Charice on Glee - An Old Man's Thoughts

I have been bad mouthing Charice for a couple years on this blog since Oprah called her the most talented girl, which we all know she is not but she does possess the ability to sing other people's songs to a certain degree of capability.

She can be shrilly, and overly cutesy for my taste, which is impeccable. So when a friend passed along information that Charice will be joining Glee next season, my first reaction was "huh"? Then it turned into, "That makes sense. Let other 14 year olds will bad taste in music enjoy her massacring classic songs that I enjoyed by the original artists".

Now to go off on a bit of a tangent - Hey young America - get some originality. Quit taking the music I grew up with and recording it. Stop taking television shows like A-Team and 90210 and making them more current. And for God's Sake, I sacrificed and let you mess with the cherished Karate Kid. DON'T TOUCH TOP GUN!!!

Thanks.

Friend a Friend Lyrics

If you are like me, obsessed with lyrics from pre-K montessori classes, I bring to you the first in a series on lyrics of songs from Montessori school.

Part 1 in this multi-part series - "Friend A Friend". Not sure if that is the real title, but here it goes:

Friend, A Friend,
How do you do?
I give you my hand
I give to you

Round and round,
and round again
Now let's choose
another friend

Enjoy!

Charice's Album Drops and Sinks

Time for more Charice hating!!!

Again, I am sure she is a lovely person and I hope she has a happy, healthy life.

Oh C'mon Old America. I am not buying the crappy package you are selling. I am in my early thirties (for another month anyway) and don't care for a little puppet girl singing songs that no one like 10-20 years ago.

Her album was released at number 8 last week selling a total of 43,000 albums. It looks like all of the people who claim to love her didn't go out and shed any money on their hero. Amazon is even giving away "In This Song" for free. Compare Charice to Susan Boyle who sold over 700,000 albums on her first week.

She is no Bowersox or Taylor Swift. Even with Oprah's big push to get this girl some scratch, the nation isn't buying it. Please stop forcing Ms. Pempengo into our lives.

America's Greatest Threat: Flip Flops

We are plagued in society by something in our society that I must addresss. Something that many are afraid to speak out against for fear theat they will be chastised or portrayed as biased or uncool. The demon known as flip-flops.

They are like nails on a chalkboard Living in Chicago, when the temperature rises above 60, a small percentage of men abandon their Converse and the majority of the female population under 30 strap on the foot thongs and parade around the city producing a thundering chorus of smacking rubber and leather on the pavement.

Are they functional? Minimally. They cannot be comfortable as I can barely wear them between a parking lot and the beach.
Are they attractive? No, they are repulsive.
Do they make a pleasant noise? Obnixious enough to make me want to drill pencils into my ears.

Plus, how could you possibly expose your feet like this on the CTA. tt is a filthy , nasty, musty, odor filled environment inviting fungus. You are playing with fire young America with flip flops. Find a shoe with a heel strap, some ankle support, and bring us back to the nation where flip flops are confined to Spring Break and gym showers.

Charice Still Sucks - Alvin

The two things I blog about is how Chariee sucks and about kids and the funny crap they do. My two worlds collided last Christmas when I brought my youngin to see his first feature length film at the Loew's "Alvin and the Chipmunk: The Squeakeul". The good news is that old third-somethings won't want to commit harry carry during the film. It is very engaging and David Cross from Mr. Show is an entertaining likeable bad guy.

Toward the end of the film, the chipmunks are to take part is a talent competition to save the school's music program. Different schools are showcasing their talent and who before my eyes appears, Charise Pempengco, the singer who I have written two less than flattering blogs. She also drives the most people to my website, so "Welcome fellow haters".

Charice comes out singing a bland version of Alicia Keys "No One" which she brings no new spin. We have only heard this song performed 1,000 times every season of American Idol during the audition stage. Was the performance bad? no. Was it anything memorable? no. Do I like to ask myself questions that I know the answer? absolutely.

For a period of time I though she had moved off of the radar, like the Backstreet Boys, but this looks like one last gasp by her agent to try and steal some Taylor Swift fans. Of course they won't be able to because Taylor can write, sing, play an instrument, perform, and has some major talent.

Charice seems like a nice enough girl. I don't have anything against her personally. I am just some dork writing a blog that someone may or may not read. But please stop trying to make me believe she is something she aint.

Shakira: Great for Dads, Not So Much For Kids

My son loves to dance and music, especially Latin music with lots of horns. I can't stand that crap but can tolerate Shakira.

I turned on Hips Don't Lie and be both enjoyed shaking our tushes, even though all her moves are quite suggestive. Afterwards, I gave She Wolf a try. Once it started, look out.

There is Shakira in a flesh colored body suit dancing in a pink meshy tunnel that looks like a vagina. Although continuing having my son watch this would ensure him being heterosexual, I thought it best to find The Wiggles.

I'll save She Wolf for a later viewing

Best Children's Stories About Music

If your little guy/girl's second passion, the first being saying the word poopy all the time, is music and you are looking for a special book that will satiate their needs, you have come to the right place. Below is an assemblage of picture books for the 2 to 5 year old in your life that doesn't dumb it down to much for the little poopy speakers. Taking my son to the library almost every week and having read a total of 12 books about orchestrates, marching bands, and jazz, I have done the hard work for you.
Behold!!! My list of the top 5 children's books about music:

1. Our Marching Band by Lloyd Moss and Diana Cain Bluthenthal - A fun band about a bunch of kids who aren't very talented by practice together at great length and become the town's prized marching band. The meter of this book is at a good pace and I enjoy how the towns folk find the band dreadful at the beginning.
2. This Jazz Man by Karen Ehrhardt and R.G. Roth - Lots of references to Jazz greats like Dizzy Gillespie and Charlie Parker. A satisifying read with the only drawback being that it is set to the tune "The Old Man." The kids will enjoy finding the hidden mouse on each page.
3. Zin, Zin, Zin a Violin by Lloyd Moss and Marjorie Priceman - 10 different instruments and not one drum. I love it. Plus, you know two musicians are a duet the four musicians are a quartet. Do you know what seven musicians playing together are called? Read the book to find out. My big gripe is why do they make the bald guy the goofball bassoon player. That is....well it is not racism....but it is some kind of "ist". Lloyd Moss sure loves to write kids books about music.
4. Fiddle I Fee by Will Hillenbrand - So catchy a two and a half year old will talking about which animals please him or her. Its clean so get your mind out of the gutter.
5. The Remarkable Farkle McBride by John Lithgow and C. F. Payne - Yes, this is by that John Lithgow. Clever writing about a young man you loves an instrument from each section of the orchestra only to hate them. How will this book end? What will fickle Farkle do? You'll have to read to find out.

Honorable mention: Jazz on a Saturday Night, Violets Music.

Forget about them: Meet the Orchestra, Tuba Lessons.

Enjoy in good health my friends.