Friday, June 29, 2007

Why is "That is so Lame!" Acceptable?

I am very conscious not to use the word "retarded" even though I used it all of the time when I was growing up. I also have used the word "gay" quite a bit, and still do on occasion but make sure what company I am in. Sometimes there is no better description when your brother in law does his hair to look like Ricky Martin and wears a pink polo with the collar turned up.

One word I can say and never fear any repercussions is the word "lame". Which leads me to the question, why are we as a society so cruel to the lame. Are they not people too? When I had shin splints training for the marathon a few years back, my walk was a bit awkward. People called me lame all the time. My coworkers even thought it was cute to call me gimpy. Gimpy for Christ’s sake!!!

So what is my point?! Do I think we should stop calling things lame, like “Baby on Board” signs or “So You Think You Can Dance?”. The answer is no. Please do call them lame. Call them retard and also call them gay. Honestly, who really watches those dance shows. Let us be balanced in our derogatory comments. That is what our forefathers would have wanted it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Cool Link of the Week

I always love a good website to kill some time, especially ones with a lot of data that I can sink my teeth into. I recently found a great one, City Data!

On this website, you can look up cities across the United State and retrieve information on:
* Population
* Level of Education of your community
* Average House Price
* Average Weather
* Famous people born in a specific city

Another interesting element is that you can see who the sexual offenders are in your area. Upon looking at the list of deviants, there looks to be an unwritten heirarchy of perverts. The worst is rape, followed by Aggravated Kidnaping Of A Child and then Aggravated Criminal Sexual Abuse. In comparison, the least offensive is Child Pornography/film/photos.

I took a look to see what sort of deviants live in my community. Sure enough, there was one that I knew who lives down the street from us. I met the guy a few weeks back at a our block party and he seemed like a nice guy - married with two kids. Suffice to say, it was quite a surprise to see him pop-up on the list. He offense was listed as kiddy porn, which I hope is that he accidently ran across a website with a naked 17 year old for two seconds. Regardless, I don't think Baby Gee will be playing with his kids anytime in the next 18 years.

Jake's Favorite Things

Baby Jake has recently turned 8 months and he is the most perfect baby in the post-cold war era. (The most perfect baby during the cold war was the little Shirley Temple). He can now roll, crawl somewhat, blend his cries with his laughter, and do raspberries. As a tribute to him, I am publishing this top five things in the world:

1. Ceiling Fans: The little guy can't get enough of seeing the magical wheel spin in the sky. It keeps going and going providing an endless supply of draftiness mixed with entertainment.

2. Banging Things: While in the tub, Baby Jake takes the plastic Nemo and bangs him against the side. During feedings, he bangs his open palm on the tray. During Playtime, he takes his block and bangs it against the train. In front of the piano, his little damp fingers bang on the black and whiles. This little boy love to bang.
Cutest Baby Ever

3. Tad the Counting Frog - Whenever the little guy gets all worked up - crying and such, I press Tad's foot and he starts to speak - "Hi. I'm Tad. Sing a counting song with me." Upon which, he counts to ten and daddy makes him dance.

4. Elmo - At least it is better than Barney.

5. Mommy- I'll admit that Jake loves his mommy more than me. However, she had a nine month start of getting to know him and she nurses him a couple times a day.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Greatest 80's Song Ever!!!

Sure, the eighties have produced some remarkable hits - Rock Me Amadeus, Come On Eileen, Electric Avenue - but most of these songs are void of any sort of message. They may pick you up and make you want to snap your fingers, but you have to comb very finely this rich catalogue of music in order to uncover the ditty that has great lyrics, a fantastic beat, as well as a public service announcement. The only song that I know that has this richness is the classic by Men Without Hats, Safety Dance.

Prior to the release of this song, Caucasians were flailing their arms around like George Michael in the Wake Me Up Before You Go Go video. With elbows flying in the are and bottom lips being bitten, no one was safe on the dance floor. Men Without Hats sought to end this madness.

They had a lot of guts too because most songs with a message, have that point made subtly so you have to listen hard to interpret the meaning. The answer is Blowing in the Wind. What the hell does that mean. We sure know what Safety Dance means. "We Can Dance, We Can Dance, Everybody look at your hands". Brilliant!!! Make sure your hands are attached to your body. Don't punch the Robert Smith look alike by accident.

The icing on the cake is that they don't just say Safety Dance about a thousand times, they also spell it out, literally. S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y.

If you don't think this is the eptiome of 80's genius, then you obviously do not know music or pop culture.

Oh The Joys of Cemetaries

Driving past what seemed like 100 acres of cemetary, you can't help but to feel a bit morose. Aisle after endless aisle of tombstones that time has forgotten. I couldn't help but think that this is all that we will become. Maybe for a generations our children will visit our own gravesites once a year for mother's/father's day. Our grandchildren out of morbid curiosity will want to see the site of the person who gave them their strange genetic mutation. Then after 50 years, no one will visit your site, except some crazy teenagers who want to scare their dates enough so that they can score with them later on.

Anyway, have a nice day!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

What is with the Spelling in Hip Hop Songs

I have to admit, I don't get hip hop. I enjoy the beats and there are certain artist like Kanye West, Jay Z, and Eminem that I think compose lyrics that are insightful and thought provoking. On a side note, props to Kanye West for using his real name and not some ludicrous (or ludacris for some of you) nickname.

The part of hip hop or pop songs that really confuse me are when singers or rappers feel the need to spell. D-to the E- to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S. WOW!!! This guy knows how to spell delicious. Every Fergie songs seems to have the need to do this. G-L-A-M-O-U-R-O-U-S. Are you showing off that eighth grade education. Good for you!!! You can spell three syllable words. Take that geeky Scripps National Spelling Bee kids.

For God's sake, don't start all the hip hop songs with "Uh" or "Yeah" and bring in some instruments. Some besides the producer has to have some talent in this industry.

Saturday, June 2, 2007


I am the lamest guy for looking forward to Gymboree every Saturday. I take my seven month old there and if anyone I went to junior high saw me, would swear I turned gay. I talk high pitch saying, "Jakey, look at daddy rocking you. What a big boy. You are the smootchiest". My everyday interactions usually don't consist of this jibberjabber. Altough, I wouldn't be opposed to them having little droplets. It would be great to talk to my boss and say, "Wait a little pootchky poo minute while I get that report."

I felt really lame when I was making requests to the facilitator. "Can we do the 'One Potato, Two Potato'?". I think I spoke for the group when I requested this because everyone seemed up for it, especially that kid Johnny. He thinks he is so cool because he can crawl and he has eight teeth. All that I know is that Jake could kick his ass in a Sumo wrestling competition. And that cute girl Addison, you think you are so cool with your little sun dress! The other infants think you are a tease. So take that.

By the way, what is up with them turning every song into a promotion for Gymboree. "The Wheels on the bus go to Gymboree"? No they don't! They go around and round. "One Little Two Little Bubbles Here at Gymboree"? First of all, it should be Indians. Is it a politically incorrect to count Indians now? I probably should back off on that one and admit it is a bit wrong. If I said "One little, two little, three little Jews" it would sound pretty bad.

Did I mention I love Gymboree?