Sunday, August 19, 2007

Open Letter to Prick at Woodfield

Dear Jerk,

For some reason you think it is cool to take off your factory installed quality muffler that reduces the level of noise you have on your automobile and replace it with a piece of crap devise that makes it sounds as if your engine came from John Travolta's garage from Rydel High.

The truth is that you are a spoiled, little prick who deserves to be kicked in the balls repeatedly. Your mommy and daddy must have not been present during your upbringing and so you desperately have to rely on upsetting strangers to get any attention.

If you are that much in need for parental advice, I will give it to you. Quit being an asshole. No one likes you!!! It isn't right to rev your engine in a parking garage when people are pushing their babies in strollers. Go study and maybe you can contribute to society instead of being a pimple on the ass of mankind.

Thank you,

Friday, August 17, 2007

Morrissey, You Clever Bastard

After my countless weeks of blogging (11 total), I cannot believe that have not written about my cultural icon, Steven Patrick Morrissey aka Morrissey aka lead singer of The Smiths. He is the funniest, clever, charming, and true telling lyricists/musician that has come about in the past 25 years.

If you have even seen him in an interview, he comes across as an articulate, informed, and witty intellectual - much different than say David Lee Roth. He is more like Bob Dylan without the marbles in his mouth. His stage presence is second to none (see Youtube Clip -fun begins around 1:00 minute in) . Such drama on stage that one can see why he says that the only time he feels comfortable in life is when he is performing.

I have been a hardcore fan of him and the Smiths for almost 20 years. I have seen Morrissey in concert 9 times. His music has spoken to me with its truthfulness and vulnerability. During adolescence, hearing his dark lyrics help me know that to feel morose was okay.

What prompted me to dwell on the Mozzer recently was hearing the song Rubber Ring. We in the US would call this an inner tube. Rubber Ring has some prophetic lyrics to remind me not forget the music that consoled me in my youth:

But don't forget the songs that made you cry
And the songs that saved your life
Yes, you're older now
And you're a clever swine
But they were the only ones who ever stood by you

Thanks Morrissey for all of the dark, funny, and poignant music and insight throughout the years.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Old Arizona State Articles

Wouldn't it be great if you could go back 10 years and see the thoughts that were swirling around in your young impressionable mind? For me, the answer is a big no. I did a google search on my name and found all the old columns I wrote for the Arizona State University newspaper State Press. Enjoy the bizarre ramblings of a 21 year old who thought he knew everything. By the way, I never realized I used the word "definitely" so much.

Summer 1996

Credit Plague
Column: Living in blissful ignorance
Mesa limits freedom

Fall 1996

Column: Independent candidates offer ray of hope, but no solid platforms
Column: Semen shows prisoners have too much time
Column: Angel of death oversteps limits
Letter: Freaks push extremes to display individuality
Column: Polls do disservice to democracy
Column: Society too lax on criminals
Letter: Columnist unjustly attacks child's act
Letter: Solution to crime is not more prisons but empathy, resources and services, student says
Column: Government handcuffs citizens, right to happiness

(search under David G)

Selective Liberalism

The liberal mind is a wonder. Everyone has come across the types who are very free spirited. In fact, I love being around these types of people because I espouse many of the same views.

One trait that the liberal mind is especially proud is its open mindedness. They can accept someone who has an outlandish point of view. If someone worships a pineapple, then that is cool. If they find solace in camping in a desert, doing mind altering drugs, and having unprotected promiscuous consensual sex, then that is cool. If someone spends every week going to an established religious institution like a church or temple, they are idiots!

This type of mentality is what I like to call "Selective Liberalism". Those on the far left wing are accepting of unconventional behavior but frown on those who go about their way of life in a traditional manner. If one possesses an open mind, they should be tolerant of all types of beliefs, whether they be towards the more avante garde or Main Street USA. We should all strive to be more like Lisa Simpson in this way.

Albeit human nature, I try to make a conscious decision to be minimize the level of self righteousness I possess. The only things I am critical of are hypocrites.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

ChiTown Hero

If the Higglytown Heroes on Disney's Playhouse can have a garbage man listed as an icon, then I am going to put together my own list of ChiTown Heroes. This week’s installment is of a man who should not be dismissed. When the morale is low, he comes and makes everyone at peace. He is Ronnie Woo Woo.

If you are a sports fan and do not know Ronnie Woo Woo, you should feel ashamed. He is making his case to be part of the baseball hall of fame. Ronnie is a homeless man who wanders the perimeter of Wrigley Field decked out in his “Woo Woo” jersey. Somehow he always makes his way into the game to cheer on his beloved Cubs.

During the eigth inning, morale starts to take a turn for the worst as alcohol sales cease. Drunken fraternity types sidle up next to Ronnie and applaud him in an attempt to have him do what he does best – woo. After little encouragement, Ronnie, opens up his semi-toothed mouth and shouts “Cubs Woo! Go Woo! Cubs Woo!”. The whole bleacher section erupts into a chorus of cheers despite the fact that their team is down four runs.

Ronnie, you are a ChiTown Hero.